1. Heroin looks over city from atop a building.
2. Scouts area with binoculars
3. Spots Gang lord's car.
4. Car drives up
5. Gang lord, minions and female hostages get out of car.
6. They walk towards the building
7. Heroine dives down towards minions guarding the entrance.
8. Guards on watch
9. Heroine lands on guards.
10. Close up of her from behind. The POV of Gang Lord.
11. She turns head with confidence and determination. She is ready to kick some butt.
12. View of here outside the building.
13. She kicks her way in shattering the glass doors.
14. She lands and ready stands.
15. She dolphin kick the first minion that approaches her.
16. She is so confident that she will win that it bores her. Second minion runs after her.
17. She drop kicks him.
18. She uppercuts another one.
19. He flies to the ceiling.
20. She sees the gang lord with the victims across a bridge. She begins to chase.
21. Abruptly a helicopter crashes through the ceiling.
22. The minion in the helicopter shoots a rocket at the heroine.
23. She jumps into the water to escape the explosion. While the heroine was preoccupied by the diversion, the gang lord escapes into the helicopter
24. Heroine flails into the air at him.
25. Another frontal shot of her flailing at him. She vows to destroy him one day. Camera zooms out further away from her as she flails.
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ReplyDeleteonly suggestions
ReplyDeleteAct1
Your act one works well, but the view of seeing the mob taking their hostages into the building is awkward. Have your protag zoom in with her binoculars instead.
Act2
1.I like all of your action sequences and the few fighting moves you mention. (Especially when she crashes through the glass.)
2.Maybe she should show her proud face after she breaks the glass. (card 11)
Act3
1. How does she get to the helicopter? (does she fly or use the stairs?) and Is the the bridge inside the building , outside,or in some type of enclosed garden? (You mention the helicopter crashes through the ceiling but , to me,It looks like she is outside.)
2. I like the missile launcher, and the twist at the end that the hero loses, although she was confident about winning. But I am not sure what you mean by flailing. Does she actually hit him or does she miss and land in water? Other then a few confusions, which I am probably interpreting wrong, the story works. You made a good action film.
only suggestions
ReplyDeleteAct1
Your act one works well, but the view of seeing the mob taking their hostages into the building is awkward. Have your protag zoom in with her binoculars instead.
Act2
1.I like all of your action sequences and the few fighting moves you mention. (Especially when she crashes through the glass.)
2.Maybe she should show her proud face after she breaks the glass. (card 11)
Act3
1. How does she get to the helicopter? (does she fly or use the stairs?) and Is the the bridge inside the building , outside,or in some type of enclosed garden? (You mention the helicopter crashes through the ceiling but , to me,It looks like she is outside.)
2. I like the missile launcher, and the twist at the end that the hero loses, although she was confident about winning. But I am not sure what you mean by flailing. Does she actually hit him or does she miss and land in water? Other then a few confusions, which I am probably interpreting wrong, the story works. You made a good action film.
Maybe if you want an interesting end you could have the heroine pull out a bazooka and blast the helicopter down.
ReplyDeletei think your story is coming across! I'm very curious about the heroine though. I don't know much about her. I think it might be a good idea to flesh her out and have her really shine through her character performance. Remember we want to root to the heroine. What makes us want to root for her?
ReplyDeleteI agree with Shavonne with Act 1: Have the captives and the captors from the binocular's pov. Also have them take them into a different building rather than the one the heroine is in.
ReplyDeleteI'm confused about panel 20 and forward where you see water and a bridge, but they're indoors??? It was cool how she didn't win the battle though. However, focus on how she can use the stuff around her environment to win the battle instead of her brute strength.
Also be careful about putting things right in the middle.
First I would say that I really like your camera angles for the city shots, I think this revised version works out better and gets to the point. The action scenes will be a lot of work and may take up most of the animation time.
ReplyDeleteIn Act 1 I think you have the scenes placed at a different angle to help tell the story better also think you should show us more about the heroine personality.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Yvonne i also get confused in panel 20 of where they are and what's happening in this scene also be careful about how you connect your scenes together.
I agree about different camera angles, and maybe some different key poses. I also want to see how she is bored fighting since it doesn't show in the cards. Does she yawn while doing a helicopter kick? Giggle?
ReplyDelete